“Was it all just narcissism
In the guise of spiritual growth?
Or was every experience I had
What I needed
To prepare me for this role?”

“All of my worries disappeared
when the nurse put you down
on my chest.”

“Who am I to be here?
I thought to myself.
Enjoying the sound of the ocean
crashing against the cliffs
in a steady rhythm…”

“Are you someone
with big dreams and ambitions,
a constant rub
to create something new?…”

“I want a new word for love
It’s been devalued
And demeaned
Because these days
It’s used in reference to
Pretty much everything…”

“Most of the time
I’m grateful
That I’m on a creative path
That I’m following my heart…”

“…If you’ve got a freak flag
I say fly it
If you’re different
Then don’t hide it…”

“…Willingness breaks through
Like a blade of grass
Searching for sunlight
Through the cement…”

“…I was just trying to be like
The women I admire
So courageous in their
Commitment
To speak the truth…”

“…Why I can’t I sing
And play guitar?
Spit white girl poetry like
I’ve got something to say?…”

“I have an insatiable
Hunger
A thirst that cannot
Be quenched…”

“…The wind no longer
Blows through me
Or sweeps me off my feet…”

“…To smile at strangers
To let traffic merge
To be kind and listen
To face fear and learn…”

“…I don’t want to go backwards
To loose all I’ve gained
I can no longer
Drink you interesting…”

“I always gravitated
To the girl
With purple hair
Eccentric style
And an attitude
Like she didn’t care…”

“…I think there’s a way
To be vulnerable and strong
At the same time
I’ve just never tried before…”

“I am beyond
All efforting
On the other side of the hill…”

“…I keep coming back
To the present moment
And getting out of
The future and past…”

“I am not the sun
Or rain…”

“When we meet
It’s usually
Yes or no
I’m pretty quick to decide
If we click or we don’t…”

“San Francisco
Your fog rolled in
Over me
Constricting my breath
Closing me in…”

“…I feel like I’m constantly
Navigating
So many
Invisible lines”

“I know it’s time to face this
To allow even more space
For emotions to rush in…”

“…I want you to love me
To think I’m the coolest
Girl that you’ve ever met…”

“…Without talking shit
Or criticizing you
In an attempt to lessen the pull…”

“Now that my fantasy
Is becoming a possibility…”

“…I’ve gotten compliments on my posture
Implying I should want to hunch…”

“…Who I am at my core
Is not broken
It doesn’t need to be fixed…”

“I used to want you to know me
Right away…”

“Competition lingers in the air
A thickness that separates
Me now from you…”

“…I’m a pleasure seeking
Detective
Always on the hunt…”

“My heart beats
With collective
Emotional resonance…”

“I’m in it
The discomfort is
Overwhelming
I just want a way out…”

“It’s always been twenty-twenty
In hindsight with me
And now
That’s even more true…”

“Overwhelmed
But open-minded…”

“Change and realizations…”

“I’ve exhausted all other options
Each failed attempt
Proving what I always knew…”

“…A shifty-eyed
Self-conscious
Craving for attention…”

“…Visions of their future shared
Then realized as
Wedding vows are exchanged…”

“I’m ready
To peel back the layers
And I’m curious to find
What’s there…”

“…And it bothers me that
Your impression of me
Is based on something false…”

“…So do I check in
Or do I check out?
What’s the better solution
To my current dis-ease?…”

“…Thoughts going crazy
I twist and I turn
Beating myself up
For not having learned…”

“…When I linger at the bar
And order one more drink
Because I don’t want to go home
And think…”

“Cool wood floors
The heat held inside me
My body is heavy
Relaxed…”

“I used to be like you
Thought I was so misunderstood…”

“…That everything happens
For a reason
And that he did me a favor
By leaving”

“…I don’t know exactly
When the change happened
But I feel like everyday
I’m becoming more me”

“…But it was your decision
Now you have to live
With knowing that you quit…”

“…You’re just a man
Who doesn’t know what he wants
Besides not wanting me…”

“…I won’t call
I won’t write
I won’t make this okay…”

“…My memory of it happening feels blurry
But the feelings remain crystal clear…”

“I reach my arms out to you
Instead you sit down by my side…”

“I tip toe around you
And hold back how I feel to…”

“…I’m going back and forth
I pull you in
Then push you away…”

“…It’s the end of love that’s real
It’s the end of love that’s true…”

“When you said
You’d walk me home
I should have known…”

“It’s a constant battle
Between two voices in my head…”

“When I’m at home
I behave pretty good…”

“Exchanging stories
Of when we heard the news…”

“I’m glass
Like a chandelier
That shatters when it falls…”

“…Each day that I would get here
And put on a smiling face…”

“…I’m sorry did you say something
About a self help seminar?…”

“Back stabbing
Guy grabbing girls
I’ve had my share…”

“I can feel you fighting
To enter me again…”

“I was born a watcher
Always observing what
Was around me…”

“…I’ll never regret loving you
Even though you didn’t ask
For my heart…”

“I think that I know
What I’ve yet to admit
My thoughts have been
Lingering on you…”

“…And to be a woman my age
Today
It’s hard
To know how strong to be…”

“I’ve grown so accustom to
Looking in from the outside
At all you…”

“…Now we’re center stage
In the same fucked up play…”

“When I’m stormy I know I
Blow people far away…”

“…But the more I get to know you
The more I feel alone…”

“…But what if I want to fly
Out into the great unknown?…”

“…I want some drama
Need some passion
Conversations can’t provide…”

“If I could just hang out
One step back…”

“…I’ll grow wings and I’ll just
Fly away…”

“I’ll dream of the sunshine
As I lie in bed…”

“The day is so peaceful
But I struggle at night…”

“…My thoughts spin so fast
They swirl in my head…”

“…I know that I shine
So brightly
That you cannot see…”

“…The leaves swirl around me
So thick I can’t see…”

“I’m a shy girl
I get nervous
See me squirming
In my chair…”

“…What I want from you
Is different from what I show…”