I used to be like you
Thought I was so misunderstood
Bottled everything up inside
Because
I didn’t think anyone would
Relate to the way that my mind worked
Or how quickly my thoughts
Swirled through my head
I’d get so tired of thinking
That at times
I wished I was dead
And I remember feeling like
I had to pretend
That I somehow fit into this mold
Of what society said I should be
Of what I thought was normal
But the contrast between
How I felt and I acted
Fed my resentment more
A growing momentum
Of anger inside
Ate away at my core
And I remember at first feeling
So confused
Then assuming the reason why
People seemed to like me was that
They didn’t know
What went on inside
I genuinely believed
I was fooling everyone
That I somehow came off as mysterious
That my clothes, attitude and piercings
Didn’t boldly scream out
That I wanted attention
I was desperately trying
To illustrate
That something with me was wrong
All my self-destructive behaviors
Were really just a symptom
Of me not liking myself
Or knowing who I even was
My family was always so supportive
But somehow that wasn’t enough
And I remember meeting someone
Who understood
What it felt like to struggle to be
He was fucked up
In a million ways
But I knew in my heart
That he saw me for me
And it felt good to find
Someone to relate to
And I found a lot more after him
And slowly
Over time
I stopped feeling like I was acting
I’m not saying I did a 180
And suddenly turned my life around
But I started to like myself more
And ever so slowly
I learned how
To let people see the real me
To express what went on in my mind
And every time that I did
I’d realize
I wasn’t so different
That my thoughts were just fine
And looking back now
It’s strange
To see my behavior so clearly
And then see it in others
Who are that age
And know they think they’re fooling
Everyone else around them
When really we see straight through
We’re just giving them space
To figure it out
Like we all needed to
I think that’s what the 20s are for
It’s a time to sort yourself out
Who you are
And where you fit
It’s a time to be angry
And overdramatic
But looking forward into my 30s
I’m letting all of that go
I don’t feel the need
To see
Things so black and white
Anymore
I don’t feel the need
To hold onto anger
Instead I want to forgive
And allow enough room in my heart
To experience
All life has to give
I don’t feel the need
To pretend like I know
Instead I want to keep learning
And trying to understand
The mystery that surrounds me
As I continue this journey