I’m trying to learn how to stay
To heighten my awareness
To discomfort when it comes
And hooks me
Then sends me
Down a path of distraction
When my mind takes over
And gathers momentum
Tricking me into believing
That I know what’s right
My perspective is narrowed
I shut out the light
When I sense agitation
Or say something mean
When I react to situations
Before I can see
When I linger at the bar
And order one more drink
Because I don’t want to go home
And think
When I can’t seem to get comfortable
In my skin
When I’m bored by my company
Whoever it is
When I wander outside
To bum a smoke
Because I’d rather be with people
Who don’t know
Who can’t see I’m not there
That my mind’s taken hold
Who don’t expect anything from me
So I’m free to go
And it’s not always like this
And it never lasts
I have moments
Or days
Or weeks
When I am
More able to stay in the present moment
The background noises soften
And I realize in part
I’m regaining footing
Making up for the damage
That I’ve done in my past
I’ve spent so many years
Learning how not to feel
Learning to ignore
What my body asks
But slowly a reversal is happening
Finding yoga was my first step
Learning to listen
To that inner voice
Treating my body
With more respect
Approaching challenges with curiosity
To what I might learn
Accepting what is
And being more grateful
But the mind is a powerful thing
And just when I feel
That I’m at my strongest
It comes back
To hook me
Again