It was fun while it lasted
Though I’m pretty sure
My version
Is different than yours
Because ever since
We reconnected
I’ve been drawn against my
Better judgment
Drawn into you from my core
And the warmth you showed to me
Made me want to stay
I felt so close to you at night
Then I’d go on my way
Telling myself I was just as busy
That I didn’t really mind
Believing that you cared
And that what we had going
Was just fine
Trusting what you said to me
And hoping it was true
Ignoring my insecurities
And choosing to see
The good in you
But I’m not a total fool
And all along I knew
That there was probably
Someone else
That I was compromising
What I deserved
But your inconsistent
Reinforcement
Kept me coming
Back for more
And I think what I realize now
Is that
Seeing you kept me safe
From having anything real evolve
Or having to explain
Myself and how I feel
Because the focus was always
On you
Such a willing receiver
So complimentary too
But at the end
Of all this
When I look at what
I’m left with
It’s a series of fun memories
But a general lack of ease
Knowing I kept so much hidden
In a lame attempt to please
And it bothers me that
Your impression of me
Is based on something false
Drunken texts and sex
And conversations that I
Vaguely recall
Always trying to be coy
Too afraid to say
That I had feelings for you
Wishing
You’d feel the same way
Pretending like there
Might be other
Men that I was with
When really it was only you
Unless you count a kiss
Or two
And I don’t blame you
Because I know I played a role
In how you treated me
The give and take
Was just never balanced
And it took me awhile to see
The truth
Which is this isn’t healthy
It’s time to loosen my grasp
To let go of you
And the story
I told myself
Of what we had