I’m in it
The discomfort is
Overwhelming
I just want a way out
Of this itching
Burning
Scratching
Desire
But instead
I’m trapped in the now
Torpedoed by my feelings
Holding on so tight
I keep trying to let go
I see glimpses of the light
Agitated
Anxious
Always on the move
Filling up every single minute
Checking off my things to do
But the stillness always finds me
Resentments rush through my mind
That angry voice is so familiar
I start rehearsing the fight
I feel like I have to communicate
To change how I feel
And regain control
Waiting for change
To happen naturally
Feels physically painful
But I stop myself
Try to turn things around
To see my part in the madness
I write it all down
I pray for help
To have anger removed
To have faith in my journey
And what I’m going through
I focus on gratitude
And soon I feel centered
And connected
I want to reach out
Feel I’m walking on air
Like I’ve got this new secret
That’s okay to hold onto
I see my reflection
And my eyes are clear
But the smallest thing sets me off
My skin burns with the heat
I grow short of breath
The spirit drains from my being
I’m tired of needing
So much help
I just want to be steady
And still
To get out of myself
And have peace of mind
I’m told it’s a gradual process
That if I keep coming back
That’s what I’ll find
But I’m impatient like a child
I want serenity now
It seems only fair
I’ve made all these changes
I’m trying so hard
But I hurt so much more
Now that I care
And I know that it’s better to feel
Than to numb out the pain
I just wish I knew how
To move through the cycles
More quickly
And not feel so trapped
In the now