I sit down to write you a letter
But I don’t know
How it should start
Our relationship has existed
Primarily in my head
So it feels inappropriate
To let you in my heart
Like I’ll just be digging
Myself deeper
Moving into the problem
Is a pattern of mine
I feel compelled to tell you
That I’m going to move on
That you’ll no longer occupy
So much space in my mind
But I know that’s still
Just looking outwards
To try and regain
A sense of control
And that the solution
Has to come
From within me
I have to learn how
To let go
Without letting you know
Without acting distant
Or being a bitch
The next time that I see you
In the hopes you’ll ask me
What’s wrong
And suddenly be concerned
With my feelings
Without acting jealous
When you’re with
Other girls
Pissed off that you’re ruining
My master plan
With little regard for
What’s best for you
Respecting your decisions
Even though I may not
Understand
Without talking shit
Or criticizing you
In an attempt to lessen the pull
And create another story
That’s more flattering to me
Needing to feel better than
As a protection from
The hurt
Without getting wasted
And falling into the arms
Of someone who helps
Me feel less alone
And quiets my insecurities
For one night
Then amplifies them
Tenfold
Without convincing myself
That I’ve got it all wrong
And that you may just
Not know how I feel
That I should reach out
And say something nice
To remind you
Of our connection and
That I’m here
And without closing off
To the possibility
That down the road
Something between us
Might evolve
But for now
I have to work on
Letting go
And putting my faith
In God