When we meet
It’s usually
Yes or no
I’m pretty quick to decide
If we click or we don’t
If we do
What feels like
Healthy enthusiasm
Takes me into the future
I start developing
A storyline
Of how things between us
Are going to play out
How we’ll share
So many
Amazing times
Which feels fun
And exciting
Until I reach out
And am left waiting for
A reply
Gripped by fear
And insecurity
I start preparing myself
For things not going
My way
I focus on our differences
And start letting go
Telling myself
I don’t need you
Anyway
That I have plenty of friends
That I’ll be okay
I throw my energy into
Other relationships
And interests
In an attempt
To feel less exposed
But then I hear from you
And
The cycle starts again
I’m filled back up
With delusional hope
And I can’t help
But find it slightly amusing
How quickly I forget
That I’m not
In control