It’s taken me almost
Two years
To get to this place
Where I think
I’m officially pissed
As I’m confronted by
Reconnecting with
People from my past
And am overwhelmed
With resentment
Thoughts like
You weren’t there for me then
You don’t get to know me now
Ring so loud in my head
I’m remembering all of the
Next day conversations
When I called you
So upset
And you’d talk me off the ledge
Convincing me that
I was just being overdramatic
That I was too hard on myself
That everything was fine
Is that really
What you believed
When you’d watch me
Make the same mistakes
Time after time?
Couldn’t you see
That I needed help
That I was hurting
So much inside?
Maybe you just didn’t
Pay much attention
Or want to loose a friend
Who drinks
Just as much wine
Well either way it’s fine
It’s all worked out okay
I don’t regret the past
Because it’s made me
Who I am
The fire inside me
Burns stronger than ever
But I sense a reluctance
To trust you
Again
Self-righteous
Pre-judgments
And generalizations
Are limiting the light
That comes in
I don’t want to go backwards
To loose all I’ve gained
I can no longer
Drink you interesting
And I no longer like pretending
That everything is okay
I need honesty like a drug
Every minute
Of every day
So it kind of feels good
To acknowledge I’m angry
And at the same time
To know
That this too shall pass
That my only job now
Is to sit with this discomfort
And accept it
For as long as it lasts
And not react
But instead take comfort in
The fact
That you probably couldn’t
Have stopped me if you tried
And you sure as hell
Can’t make me
Relapse